Models Plus Science Equals Mummification

If You're My Mummy Then Who's Your Daddy?

Over the last year I have undergone an extensive set of tests to prove to myself that I am not allergic to tape. It has never concerned me. I do not have nightmares about swollen red hands itching from contact with tape. I have never woken up in a cold sweat, sat up and screamed, "Great Scott! What if I am allergic to tape?!?!" Come to think of it I've never screamed, "Great Scott!" ever as well. That is most likely because I do not give two s**ts about how many gigawatts it takes to travel through time and think Delorians are stupid. You made a car out of a kitchen sink. Congratulations.

The point is that I am very scientific. Oh, you want proof? I wore a lab coat and held a clip board in a video with Angelique Kithos and Kendra James. Still not convinced? I was wearing glasses and nodding my head most of the time. That is right, it was scientific bitches! The only way to know something is through empirical evidence. You develop a hypothesis and then test that hypothesis rigorously through the scientific method. Years of contact with tape were not enough. There were too many variables, too many unknowns. I had to do this right. I could not let Angelique, Kendra or that pristine white lab coat down!

Fetishcon was the answer. It was the only place that a non-electrician can walk into the lobby with almost 30 pounds of tape and not get funny looks. It was the only place where I could explain my experiments to a host of beautiful women without them pointing in a random direction, saying, "Look, flying monkeys!" and then disappearing before I turned back to them. In fact these same people were telling me to bring it on. They said, "Bring it Ted, bring on the science. Do your tests, gather your data. You can count on us!" Whitney Morgan brought a protractor. Ashley Graham donated some beakers. Star came to town with an Erlenmeyer flask. Gigi Lynn reminded me to wear glasses because, and I quote, "Science is about smarts and you look dumber without your glasses." The girls knew I needed answers, they appreciated the empirical method and the science could commence.

We went through a lot of tape at this year's Fetishcon. I am not exaggerating, I finished off a full box of electrical tape, three boxes of microfoam, a box of blenderm, two rolls of transparent electrical tape, three rolls of duct tape and a various amounts of four other kinds of tape. The electrical tape alone weighed over 22 pounds according to the shipping manifest taped inside the box. Yes, they taped the shipping details for a 22 pound box of tape inside the box with tape. Fortunately for the world i\t did not open up a wormhole. I did four full mummification sets, 2 partial mummification sets, 32 wrap gags and 11 layered restraints that utilized electrical tape or duct tape or both.

The testing was done. We all sat around my laptop nervously as the data ran through a series of algorithms developed solely for the task at hand. Each girl underwent mummification, brutal gagging and layered restraints. This was more than money. This was more than bondage. This was science. After the programs finished running the results were finally ready. We broke into cheers and danced around the flickering screen. I was not allergic to tape. The science was there, the science was sound and the science clearly said that the mummification and tape gags would continue!

Image courtesy of Ashley Graham in Mummification Country Club Initiation.