How To Avoid Being An Asshole! A Primer for Bondage Photographers.

This Little Piggy Went Nowhere!

Welcome to the third day of my, "Three Day Blog Update Extravaganza!" I can count on one hand the times I have updated three days in a row, and I used that hand to high-five a running lawn mower. I would recommend against that by the way. I do not care how great your lawn looks after being cut. The mower will get by on a thank you alone, and your next mow looks great as well if you have enough fingers to hold the handle.

I try to keep things light, but a topic has nagged me for a couple of weeks. I have this uncanny ability to make models feel comfortable. I also have a very loving wife who will let me shoot almost anything. I cannot help but think trust and professionalism are major factors. When another person trusts and you treat them professionally they will generally be more flexible with a variety of things including content. This trust comes through a number of factors as does professionalism. Doing something without professionalism or something that violates trust makes you an asshole. Everyone is an asshole from time to time. It is not the end of the world. With fetish material however I believe it is responsible to actively work on not being an asshole.

As such I have come up with a test to decide if you are an asshole and have some helpful rules of thumb to avoid a future existence of being perceived as someone who lives in a humid valley between two butt cheeks. Ted, how can I tell if I am an asshole? Luckily with bondage photography there are questions that can point out you are an asshole. Ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly:

1. Has a model said during a shoot, "you never mentioned this in your emails." If you answer yes congratulations, you are an asshole.
2. Has a model ever stopped you during a shoot and said, "we never agreed to this." If you answer yes congratulations, you are an asshole.
3. Has a model ever said to you during a shoot, "I specifically said NOT to do that." If you answer yes congratulations, you are an asshole.
4. Have you ever said you had a "cool" or "edgy" idea you would like to try that translated to fingering a vagina, getting to second base or otherwise potentially getting arrested? If you answer yes congratulations, you are an asshole.
5. Have you ever said, "I am sorry, I thought you were playing the damsel. I did not know you wanted me to stop."?  If you answer yes congratulations, you are an asshole.
6. Has anyone thanked you for being professional? If the answer is no, you are an asshole.
7. Do you receive consistent emails from new models saying models that you work with give you great references and say you are highly trustworthy? If the answer is no, you are an asshole.
8. Do you have a mental list of at least 20 ways the shit can hit the fan and how to react when tying someone up and gagging them? If not congratulations, you are an asshole.
9. Do you wear shorts or sweatpants that make your erections very obvious during a shoot, especially when you rub them up against a model? If you answer yes, congratulations you are an asshole.
10. Have you ever used the excuse, "But you shot this content with Ted, so I thought it was okay" even though you never asked the model if it was okay for YOU to shoot it with her? If you answer yes, congratulations you are an asshole.
11. Do most of your camera angles while you grope a model last over 45 seconds? If you answer yes, congratulations you are an asshole.
12. Do you touch a model when it is not necessary (such as when the camera is not rolling or while you tell them a story about your Thunder Cats collection)? If you answer yes, congratulations you are an asshole.
13. Has a model ever told you they retired, are no longer shooting, are no longer coming to your area or cancelled on you five times when you know they still shoot bondage and travel? If you answer yes congratulations, you are an asshole.
14. If you look at any of the questions in this list and laugh or think to you self, "He is full of it" congratulations, you are a mega-asshole. Scientists at one time thought the mega-asshole was extinct. Although like the asshole in appearance, the mega-asshole is a much bigger asshole capable of pissing a model off much quicker and to a level that is almost unimaginable.

These are only some of the ways you may make yourself an asshole. I would recommend avoiding them as they lead not only to people thinking you stink but also models not working with you, other producers speaking ill of you behind your back and husbands, boyfriends and fiancées signing up for FetishCon to make the outside of your face touch the back of your head. Great news though, all of this is avoidable! How Ted, how can I not be an asshole? It is easy:

1. Always be professional.
2. Always be trustworthy.
3. Always be safe.
4. Always respect the model's limits.
5. Look up always in the dictionary and understand it means every time.
6. No surprises, communicate everything you want to shoot to the model.
7. Stay on time. Poor planning on your part is not the model's responsibility.
8. Have a shoot content list, show it to models for approval and do not deviate from it.
9. Do not play dumb. If you know not to do something, DO NOT do it.
10. Do not be cheap. You get to tie up girls for a living and you want to low-ball them on compensation? Offer them snacks, lunch or dinner. Open up your wallet and thank whatever god you believe in for the opportunity to shoot bondage instead of buying it like all of your fans. I know times are tough. When I am cash poor I do not shoot. See, if you cannot afford something you cannot have it. Keep your sob stories to yourself and do not waste people's time.
11. Understand that models will shoot content with other people they will not shoot with you. They are not whores. Your money does not buy whatever you want. It secures content that the model is comfortable shooting WITH YOU that has been clearly communicated before the shoot.
12. Shoots are not play sessions. I know some models are fine with that. Many are not. Respect the difference. Just because my ex-girlfriend swallowed does not mean it is okay for me to blow a load on your Mother's face. Get the point?
13. Move the damn camera around. It is about creating content, not your boner.
14. Models are nice to you because it is good business. They do not necessarily like you, want to hang around with you, wish to date you or endeavor to see the tiny dick you are insecure about and drove you to playing photographer to get your jollies.
15. Never, ever use, "Ted did this with you" as an excuse. Some models let me do things with them that they do not want to do with you. Some models are not comfortable shooting things with me that they shoot with someone else. It is what it is. Tough titties.

Okay, so I had a little fun with that. I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I do hope everyone learns a little about respect from the above. Everyone wants to be respected as part of good business, and the above gives a little insight on how to add more respect to a shoot. If you continue to be an asshole at least I tried!

Image courtesy of Panty Face Chicken Wing Hogtie with Tara Tied.

Angelique Plays Hide the Pink Panties

I Can't Hear You, There Are Panties in Your Mouth!

I somehow managed to update my blog two days in a row. The inconceivable has become more than an improbable child and matured into the most probable adult. If that last sentence made sense to you I want some of what you are having! How does it feel to double your record of one post in a row you may ask. You probably are not asking that though, so I will. Ted, how does it feel to do that thing you just said in the other sentence? It honestly feels better than I expected. Of course that brings up the question that some of you might ask. Ted, why are you referring to yourself in the third person? Damn, you have me on that one. That was a classic narcissist move on my part, and I must apologize for it. Third person when it comes to describing the self is reserved for people with only one name, titles like "Lady" or anyone with over a billion dollars. Since I am a man of modest means, have two first names and think Lady Ted sounds stupid I will stick to the first person for the rest of this post.

Where was I? Oh yes, I managed to update my blog two days in a row. The inconceivable has become ... um, that sound familiar. Goddam cut and paste always gets me. Where is that new stuff I wanted to type up. One second, just bear with me ...

Aha! Here we go! I just shot a clip with Angelique the other day that strongly reminded me of why I love her so much. It started with a recent purchase from a lingerie store. She paid for everything herself but mentioned several times how she should not be spending money on lingerie. No you should not you bad girl. That was very irresponsible of you to spend your own money on something you could afford but pretend that you could not. A girl could get herself into some hot water for that kind of thing. Hmm, a guy might start to think someone was goading him into thinking a certain girl needed punishment. If that was not enough she started to parade around in one of the outfits and high heels. She knows full well that I mentioned doing more work with lingerie and high heels. This is more than mere coincidence! Combined with her earlier claim of financially irresponsibility a clear message was forming in my simple brain. The last clue to our little mystery came as our delectable damsel in the making brought up all the rope I made recently. "I thought you said it got softer the more you used it. It seems rude to use it on other models all rough and scratchy," she said.

Oh, it is on now little girl. Little girl? That is an odd thing to say since Angelique makes me look like I hoard pots of gold at the ends of rainbows, but I digress. It is on! Ten minutes later Angelique sat on the floor with 250 feet of handmade, 3mm jute cord digging into her soft and supple flesh. It was a sight to see. She made a comment about a hogtie seeming like a better choice which reminded me of something important when it comes to Angelique. She has far fewer suggestions on restraints when she is quiet. I stuffed a pair of extra-large, full-bottomed panties into her mouth. Her cheeks bulged even after the clear tape tightly secured them in place. Her skin jutted out over the tight tape, and she got her hogtie. I cinched her tightly enough so that her breasts were off the floor and watched her struggle. She can always convince me to tie her up, but she never knows what I am going to do after she gets her way. All she could do at this point was enjoy her victory by struggling and waiting. She still had 30 minutes of hogtie to go through before I showed her my own plans for the evening!

Image courtesy of Every Movement Was Agony with Angelique Kithos.

Hannah Tests My Homemade Rope

Put Your Best Tit Forward!

 I have this tendency to let myself get stuck on what to put in my blog. No, I have this incredibly annoying tendency to let myself get stuck. I have plenty of stories. Some are funny, some are informative and some are downright boring. Who cares though, I have a folder bulging with images that are never boring! It takes me weeks to sometimes remember that a picture is worth a thousand words. As long as some of those words are, "holy shit Ted, she must have hated you after that!" I think this blog will do just fine. Besides, when a picture says a thousand words the tit-tastic Hannah above pretty much writes everything for me.

Invariably when I focus on the pictures the words come. The image above is from a newer venture of mine called the Prop Testing series. In my old days of shooting I would construct something for every shoot, and I have recently gotten back to that motif. I more manners of platforms, dollies and devices to lift, tote, push, pull and challenge damsels now than I have time to film. The idea came from an old notebook I had sitting in a box believe it or not.I write down all of my ideas, I always have. I have boxes filled with notebooks, tablets and scraps of paper containing rough ideas, full stories and sketches. It may seem a little crazy but then again I am the one that stuffed panties into Ms. Perez's mouth, bound her breasts and forced her to orgasm in my living room. If you have a better way to get that done and make it look so damn good be my guest. No, seriously, go ahead. I will fiddle around on my phone for a little while.

Okay my phone needed to go on the charger, so I made some more homemade rope and roughed up an idea for a suspension. Feel free to keep working on a better way to come up with devilish ideas, but I need to get back to tying girls up. In all seriousness I wrote the idea for the clip down in a notebook about six years ago. At the time I was not working with any models that were capable with the position or the predicament. There is just no way I can keep all the devious ideas I have had in my head, so I write them down. Before a shoot I start going through notebooks if I still need clip ideas. I do not even have to go through ten pages, and I have already come up with four times more ideas than I can shoot in a day.

Everyone has their own system, and mine works for me. I am sure it worked for Hannah as well. Sure her elbows were crushed, her breasts were bound and she was saying next to nothing with those huge panties stuffed into her mouth. Fully erect nipples and a crotch gyrating against a vibrating rope say a lot though. It may not say a thousand words, but it would seem to say that Hannah is in Camp Ted when it comes to the idea notebooks.

Image courtesy of Big Breasted, Rope Tested and Bested with Hannah Perez.

Gigi Lynn Smack Talks Herself Into Big Trouble

"Christ, I should have shut up when I saw the tape!"

 I can honestly say that I sometimes wing it. I admit it. I start tying a girl up, and I just do not know where it is going. Oh I have a plan. I always have a plan. "It goes like this Gigi, you play a bitchy blah blah, and I tie you up. You do not like it at all and ACTION!" Ropes fly, hands roam over goodies and tape starts wrapping around a face too beautiful to be covered in such a manner. Everything is going like clockwork. At some point though it becomes woefully apparent that the damsel is still way too energetic and feisty. How is she still wiggling so much hogtied like that, and did you just call me what I think you called me? No self-respecting captor would take that from their captive.

The producer part of my brain knows that the model is still capable of a higher level of restraint. Even worse the captor part of me knows that there is know way anyone shoots me that look over a gag! The tape comes out, and the hogtie gets a whole lot worse. We just loaded our damsel into the back of a truck that does not run on fossil fuels. It runs on welded arms, packed mouths and sweaty faces. It keeps going and does not stop until the wiggling and the name-calling settle down to an acceptable point.

The glare says "F*** You!", but the restraint says I don't care!

The problem though is that I never realized that Gigi has an inexhaustible supply of, "kiss my ass Mr. Abductor Man!" I have her jacked with rope and crushed with tape. Her cheeks would be exploding from the size of the panties in her mouth if not for how tightly I wrapped her face with tape, but she is still wriggling and calling me things that would make a sailor blush. As a producer I know that there is enough restraint for the scene. As a captor I know that she is still putting gas in the tank of a vehicle determined to drive down the road until she is fully compliant.

What do I do? Unfortunately for Gigi I felt that the lamp on top of a tiny and wobbly pedestal was a waste of furniture. Want to act like a bitchy princess Gigi? Want to be put on a pedestal. You've got it! I move it into frame, lift her up and balance her on her belly. Now we have a damsel. She is still wiggling, but there is not way she is going to risk going to the floor. She is still smack-talking but there is no way she is going to risk what comes next if she glares at me too much. The vehicle has stopped, and Gigi is dumped onto the corner of Totally Fucked and Going Nowhere Fast. Enjoy the visit Gigi!

Images courtesy of Hogtied Prissy Put on a Pedestal with Gigi Lynn.